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Sydney_Iron 4:40 Tue Mar 24
Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Just been told I need one, and something else with a name I cant remember but will be removing a piece of my guts for a biopsy, all precautionary ive been told but has put the willeys up me (if you know what I mean), I cant eat for 24 hours before hand and have to take some medication to basically clear my system out so good few hours on the bog by the sounds of things

The specialist I saw was a real charmer, got me to pull my strides down and then curl up in the foetal position with my arse hanging over the side of a bed, then he shoved his finger up my arse and had a rummage around, it was the most unpleasant experience I have ever had at the doctors and stung like fuck when he pulled his finger out, how the homos think this is pleasurable is really beyond me.

Cant Wait……….

Private Dancer 4:49 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Yea, had one a few years ago as I suffer from acid reflux. Nothing to it, camera down the throat (in my case) mind you they did knock me out for the procedure.

Sydney_Iron 5:05 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Yes, I have to go under as well, its very much precautionary as I have no symptoms of anything bad, just excessive bloating and pain sometimes which they think is caused by the wind, I could fart for England if such a sport existed but as im now 50 then need to check it out, Doc also told me I had a large prostate, said will need to have that out in about 15 to 20 years and apparently that can affect your ability to maintain a hard on, this was more alarming to me than the colonoscopy TBH.

The joys of getting old.

Coffee 5:21 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Good luck, Sydders. I can't imagine that's any fun. At all.

Westham67 5:31 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

No mate, good luck with it syders

Banjo 7:57 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Sydney.

I am a lucky chappie as I have had 2 of those slightly intrusive procedures but it's OK.

Actually, the procedure was no problem but the pre-amble was testing. You need to consume three litres of a lemon scented drink that has the same effect on your innards as draino does on a clearing sewer pipes. Once you start shitting you will need to be adjacent to a toilet for the duration, I reckon the worst is over inside six hours.

It's not as if you have bad diahhroea (spl) its entirely different as whatever is in your guts just runs out of you. This is the worst part. The next worse part is not being able to eat for 24 hrs, you will think you are starving.

As I said the procedure itself is a doddle as , dressed in your hospital gown, arse hanging out for all and sundry, you are given a mild anesthetic and I was out for the count on both occasions. Really, it is quite a pleasant experience this part. When I awoke I was given a nice cuppa tea, some lovely sandwiches and the proctologist talked me through the outcomes and showed me photos of "my beautiful colon" his words not mine, on the first procedure.

You'll be OK mate, just remember these words "Hang on to the toilet and don't let it leave you during the clear-out process which lasts 6 hours"

You'll be fine.

Ronald_antly 8:22 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Private Dancer 4:49 Tue Mar 24

What you have described there is called an ENDOSCOPY.
It is quite different to a colonoscopy.

I've had both a few years ago, by the way, and am on the waiting list to have them both again.

Ronald_antly 8:23 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

You only got photos, Banjo?

I got a DVD.

Scraper 8:24 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Colonoscopy is nice as you get laughing gas if you ask nicely. Plus u get a rare chance to see ur colon live on telly. Gastroscopy on the other hand is the worst thing invented by man.

claret50 8:24 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Best wishes Sydders.

Scraper 8:25 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Endoscopy applies to both routes btw

Honest Hammer 9:52 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Make sure he doesn't have both arms on your shoulders.

Private Dancer 10:11 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Ants - Both procedures use a long flexible tube with a camera attached, but yea you're right in what you say.

I would have thought a man of your means would go private?.

Far Cough 10:15 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Yeah, just had one at both ends, the arse one hurt like fuck because they pump it full of air for a better look but it gives you cramps

Don't forget to take your laxatives the day before, that stuff makes you shit like a water fountain

munkyfunk 10:21 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Moviprep drink to clear you out is vile.
Literally liquid shit pouring.out your arse.until nothing left.
I was.sparko for mine all i remember is.wwffling.somenold shit in the refovery room.when it was.done..

Sydney_Iron 10:22 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Ronald_antly 8:22 Tue Mar 24

Ron, if you have medical insurance you just pay the Gap (excess) to have it done?, and considering most Aussies have medical insurance otherwise you pay a higher rate of tax im covered, and the excess is a couple of hundred dollars which is not much when you think its you health that’s at stake, the specialist I saw said I could have it done in a Public hospital but would have to go on a waiting list and that could be well over a year, fuck that, if a specialist thinks I need this doing, i want it done ASAP, so 23rd April its trousers down.

roltrader 10:23 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Grindr would be easier

i-Ron 10:28 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

Yes I had one about 4 years ago.

My intestines were completely covered in red raw/yellow pus like ulcers, when they got around the first corner by my right hip I woke up in agony and I called him a cunt and told him to remove it. It was completely instinctive as the pain was one of the worst I've ever felt. They had to hold me down and give me more sedative drugs.

Afterwards I woke up and they were wheeling me next door and gave me a tea and sandwich as I'd had to have liquids so not eaten for 2 days and had laxatives to flush me out.

As I was drinking this tea I had this alrighty and unbearable urge to shi immediatelyt. A nurse had to help me walk across the ward into the toilet, which felt like about 5 minutes as I was so fucked up on the drugs.

When I sat down I did the loudest and most glorious fart ever. It must have lasted nearly 60 seconds, and I was laughing my head off as the ward must have heard it but I couldn't control it.

What a great fart that was. You've got that to look forward too.

Raymond Duck 10:37 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

I had one last year - can't say it was the most pleasant experience but didn't take too long. Was drugged up beforehand but still knew what was going on. Diagnosis was Crohns Disease so it at least it was worthwhile.

Hope it all turns out okay for you squire

Off The Shin 10:37 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

I did a massive fart once and ended up completely shitting myself.

Was my dad's funeral too , horrible moment.

Tommy Dickfingers 10:47 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy

After8 is your man. Gets one every other night

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